If you would have told me years ago that I would be working for Generation Life giving chastity talks and that I would be a month and a half from beginning postulancy with a religious community, I would have laughed at you. Yet here am I writing a blog for Generation Life as I begin postulancy with the Pauline Fathers on January 15th. God sure has a sense of humor. Woody Allen once famously said, “If you want to make God laugh, then tell him your plans.” What a profound statement.
Those that know me, know that I have been in a state of what I would call “perpetual discernment” since graduating from Penn State in 2012. This included many frustrations and angry conversations with God over the years. All these conversations were one sided. I was the one doing all the talking, and God, like a good and loving father, was listening. First it was the Diocesan Priesthood, then it was the Benedictines, the Dominicans the Marians of the Immaculate Conception the Franciscans, and every door I opened God would simultaneously close it shut. The frustration mounted…
Following God’s will is not easy. Listening to God in the everyday noise of life can at times seem impossible. All of us at times in the craziness of our lives feel like God is not listening, that he is ignoring us. But did we take the time to quiet down and stop talking, for him to answer us back? It’s amazing how many times in my daily prayer life I used the word “I”. God I need this, God I want this, God this is what I’m going to do. I could picture God smiling and laughing at me from Heaven. How silly God must have thought I had to be over the years.
Through this constant state of “perpetual discernment”, God closed many doors, doors I wanted to go through, in effort to follow His will. As he closed these doors, he left that one door open, the right door, the door he wanted me to go through. In my frustration and discouragement, I was too busy talking to God, to stop and listen to him, too blinded to see the door that He left open for me. Brothers and sisters let’s not make God laugh, instead of telling him about our plans, let us take time to listen to him, to see that one door he leaves open for us. Let us not be afraid to be still and listen to Lord and go through that door that leads to joy.